BABY GOT BACK

IF THAT REAR END DOESN’T GET YOU DROOLING, THEN THERE’S ALWAYS THE OPTION OF HAVING YOUR SENSES WAYLAID BY THE 354 HORSES THAT THE AUDI S5 SPORTBACK PACKS IN

WORDS: ANINDA SARDAR

The racy lyrics aside, Sir Mix-A-Lot was certainly on to something when he penned the song Baby Got Back. And think what you will of me but I just can’t stop staring at the matte grey Audi’s posterior. To be honest it isn’t the kind of dérriere that will make you go slack jawed. Like the one on the Ferrari 250 GTO, or any Ferrari for that matter, or a Lambo or an Aston. The Audi S5 Sportback’s rear end isn’t as out there, butt… oops!...but is still pretty sexy. Sort of like the posh lady in the evening gown you met at the charity ball last Saturday. Certainly alluring.

Once you’ve got past the inertia of not moving at all, you’ll realise that the rest of her is pretty fetching too. That silhouette is definitely flattering and will work wonders for your ego if she’s your plus one. At nearly three-quarters of a crore, she won’t come easy but I can tell you she’s worth it. At the very least, heads will turn and eyes will light up with envy, ‘cus bruh, they want her too. Only, you’re the one that has her. One thing is guaranteed. An entrance. And yet again, it’s not the kind of entrance that a saucy tramp hanging on to your arms will make. Here lies the power of her elegance. That’s what makes her so bewitching, even though subtlety is written all over her svelte frame.

And God help you if you think she’s all beauty. Here you have chanced upon that rare mix of beauty, brains and, believe it or not, brawns. She will greet you with the softest of touches and envelope your body with her plushness. She’ll even massage your back on a tough day. All you’ve got to do is press the right buttons, that’s all.

Driving out of that gala, you’ll be all too aware that all eyes are on her a#$e and you’ll experience that mix of mild burbling possessiveness and sheer pride at what you’re taking home tonight. On the way back, as you make conversation she reveals a gentle side to her. Everything feels light, the way it should be. It’s all so seamless, so effortless. So linear. As the stars shine brighter you decide you don’t want this to end too soon, so the longer way home it is going to have to be.

Away from the restrictions of urban society, she reveals another side to her. Beneath all that sophistication, she can be wild too. As she drops all semblance of elegance and lets loose, you hear the sweet sound of her open throated laughter. She races ahead and your brain struggles to keep up. When it’s time to dance she is as nimble as a trained tango artist and you’re all too happy to swap the lead because you are enjoying this too much. And yet, that earlier streak of softness returns every time there’s something to be tip toed around. At some point, you realise you’re responding more to her than you getting her to respond to you.

Eventually, it’s time to go home you realise and you don’t really mind because you’ve had such a lovely time. That’s the other thing about her. Unlike the more exotic beauties, she’s happy to remain real and pragmatic while never shying off an opportunity to be wicked or elegant or whatever you want her to be. That really is how wonderful the Audi S5 Sportback truly is. What do you think I’ve been on about so far?

Urbane Jets